So, he told you that he loves you. Maybe even more than once, but for some reason you are asking yourself: Does he really love me or is he just blowing smoke...? Whether you've asked a friend or you kept it to yourself, you wouldn't be the first person to ask that question."I love you" just doesn't have the same weight that it used to. Nowadays, it's thrown and kicked around like a bean bag ball at a picnic. Let's face it, not everyone is sincere when they use those words. Some have learned to use those words as a way to get what they want. Some have even learned to use it as a form of control. When you say I love you, it is supposed to mean that you are giving your heart and love to someone, not to take from them for your own selfish needs / pleasures. I don't care what anyone says, love is not supposed to hurt. So, how do you know when someone really loves you? It is a valid question that we may have, not only for spouses and or lovers, but maybe even our friends which might have given us a reason to doubt their sincerity. The answer to the question is quite simple in my opinion and to tell you the truth, we already know the answer within ourselves before we dare ask the question, don't we? Our intuition will nudge us and give us clues that something isn't quite right. Sometimes we ignore it, until we finally have no choice but to ask the question and face the answer. And even then, our bleeding hearts still demand proof! So, where do we get the proof? No, we don't search his pockets or phone records and text messages. The proof is in the fruit. It is said that " A good tree cannot bear bad fruit." Which means, pay attention to the person's actions to see if those actions match with his/her words. If a man tells you he loves you, but puts you in a situation where you have to compromise your self-respect, beliefs or morals, do those actions match with love? No! If a man cheats on you or with you, calls you names or abuses you in any way, do those actions match with love? Absolutely not! See how simple that is? When a man loves you he will respect and honor you. He will never do anything intentionally to hurt you because it would cause him pain to know that he hurt you. If he truly loves you, then his actions would reflect those three words, not contradict them. If he loves you, he would work to multiply your smiles instead of multiplying your tears. If he loves you, then you wouldn't have the need to ask that question, because you'd already know the answer, whether he told you I love you or not. So, there you have it! Satisfied, or do you still need more proof?
Doubt is one of the most powerful tools of defeat in my opinion. Doubt is like a seed implanted in your mind, and the more you nurture it, the bigger and more expansive it will grow until it has control of your life. How many of us have failed to act because of those two little words...what if? What is it about the fear of the unknown that keeps us bound to familiarity even if familiarity is killing us? Why do we fail to act when we already know that the present circumstance is not what's best for us? Sometimes what stands between us and a better and/or happier version of ourselves is nothing at all. Nothing except for us, because most of the time, we are the only things standing in our own way! We sometimes create these scary scenarios in our minds that make the possibility of change seem laborious, frightening and even impossible. Have you ever done that? For example: "If I leave him, I won't find anyone else to love me. If I get up and sing...they will laugh at me. If I go back to school...I'll fail. If I try to lose weight, I'll give in just like the other 10 times. If I ask her out...she'll reject me. If I leave this job...I won't find a better one" The list can go on and on. We all at some point have given in or have been bound by doubt whether it was momentary or for many years. I've learned over the years that most of the time when I did decide to act, it was much easier than I thought and the outcome was far better than I could have ever imagined. So what if...today was the day that you got out of that toxic relationship that was killing you? What if today was the day you took a chance on your future by going back to school or getting a better job? What if today is the day you ask that girl or guy out? What if today is the day you decide to get in shape and live a healthier lifestyle? What if today is the day you stop self-medicating and deal with what is really bothering you? What if today is the day you say you're sorry? What if today is your day?
Many people don't like the word prostitution, but it's been around for a very long time. Prostitution is defined as: The practice or occupation of engaging in sexual activity with someone for payment. Now that we understand the meaning, allow me to present my case. I have overheard and talked to both women and men about this issue and there appears to be an unspoken understanding between the two.
Here is what one man said: Nowadays, women only want money. They want their bills paid, nails and hair done; otherwise they won't sleep with you. We men know that, so we put some money aside just for that purpose. The woman feels good because she feels like she did something great to get us to give up the money. But the reality is, it's just a part of the game and you play until you are ready to get rid of her. She's not the type of woman you keep. She probably does this to every guy and sees more than one guy at the same time anyway. Here is what one woman said: I don't give a man sex if he doesn't give me money. I don't have time to waste with these fools, my bills need to be paid. If he can't do it then another man will. Yes, I deal with more than one person at once. These guys out here are stupid. They only serve one purpose.
So here are my questions: If these two individuals got together, would that be a form of prostitution? If not, then what is it? Neither of the two conversations ever touched upon the subject of love or companionship. So...is love, romance and marriage an antiquated notion these days? If a man can easily pay a woman for sex, what does that mean for single women who are looking for the real deal? If a woman is only looking for money, then what does it mean for a man who is looking for real love? I guess my final point is this: At the end of the day, when a person engages in such a transaction, is he/she satisfied? Is sex and money so important that love no longer matters? What do you think?
Are all men cheaters? Is it a biological imperative that a man must be with more than one woman at the same time? Last night I began to reflect on a conversation I once had with a male, (married) colleague. He told me that men were designed differently than women and that monogamy was unnatural for men. He also tried to convince me that love is a fluid term which is not tattooed onto one specific person. That is to say that, he could love his wife, but he could also love Sarah, Jenny and whoever else. Our conversation turned into a heated debate of which I will leave to your imaginations. However, the one point that I most wanted to convey was this: To cheat is a decision to be deceitful. It is not an issue about nature. Why get married if you know you will cheat? Why not get divorced before starting something new? If it is a part of nature for men to be with more than one woman, then why the need to hide, lie and hurt others? Why not be honest to all the parties involved? What are your thoughts?
Have you ever stayed in a relationship, even though you knew that you deserved much better? Why do we sometimes settle for far less than we deserve? What is it about the need for affiliation and love that causes us to override our better judgement and knowledge gained from past experiences? I suppose there could be many reasons. However I'd like to discuss 2 common causes that are often intertwined: The fear of loss of love and the fear of the unknown. I've encountered many people, (not excluding myself) that were guilty of staying in a relationship way past it's expiration date due to those reasons. Those types of relationships are usually the most tumultuous, and the most dissatisfying. For while they do satisfy a need, or perhaps two...your gut instinct is constantly stealing your peace of mind by warning you that you are not where you belong! Many times we rationalize the truth away, but deep down we know the truth. You can try, but you can't lie to yourself. And yet, we still remain...waiting for a change that will never come. The only change that needs to be made is within ourselves. We must realize and believe in our own self-worth. We must believe and have faith that the best is yet to come. We must acknowledge and face these fears so that we can stop undervaluing ourselves. For you my friend are priceless! So...why settle for less?
Has anyone ever heard about the concept of Twin Souls or Twin Flames? It's a very intriguing subject that people are very interested in. From what I've read thus far, a soul splits and separates into the bodies of two people that eventually reunite once again. The reunion is said to be an instant recognition of the souls. What is to follow is an intense magnetism, a connection that transcends the physical for it is on a spiritual level. There is so much on the subject...it's quite fascinating. I just started to read on the topic in December 2013. In September 2013, I wrote two poems that reflect the essence of what Twin Flames are all about; without knowing what Twin Flames were. (Check the Poetry Corner page of this site) Now I'm even more intrigued!!
If you have anything to share on this topic. I would love to hear about it!!